You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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