I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad