this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.