I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter