Just fell off a train. Bad.
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho