batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.