I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
