i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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