I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
