His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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