I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
