remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
