if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
sex in a hospital.. check
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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