So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
