i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
