im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
