the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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