Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
false alarm. still invincible.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize