John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
