so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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