She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
