i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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