My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Holy sore nipples Batman
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
