1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
