I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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