Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
