You really coming over, don't trick.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
