Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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