I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
