I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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