I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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