Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
