I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
