Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
