I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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