K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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