miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
