you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
