not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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