my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
