i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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