I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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