You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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