Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
