I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
