It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
40s are totally the cure
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
