There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
