What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
