I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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