i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The beer is more important than you right now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
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I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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