I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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