dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
