She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
