there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
