Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
