She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
