Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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