smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
