return my video game
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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