he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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