well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
