I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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