we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
