there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
