is your mom at the bar?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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