Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When are your genitals available?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
