Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
